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Devaluation
13/08/2019
What happens once the victim is acquired ?
Often it’s the next step, devaluation, that sets in. Whereas before he put you on a pedestal, bit by bit, he chips away at that to not only bring you back down to earth, but even lower.
“You’re going to wear that dress tonight? Are you sure? Oh, okay, if you want…”
You feel the disapproval but at the same time, he didn’t say anything truly unkind. It’s the beginning. The next time it might be a comment about how you raise your children. Or perhaps you didn’t really deserve that promotion at work, you got it by chance.
He won’t stop at disobliging remarks. He’ll questions your feelings (“You’ve always been too sensitive.”), your values (“Why do you worry so much about people you don’t even know? It’s a waste of time.”), even facts (“I never said that. You must have misunderstood.”). Or perhaps he’ll just say nothing or simply walk away when you need to talk. He has many tricks in his book.
Whatever method he chooses, and often he’ll use quite a few, the goal is the same: with every comment, every hostile look, every reaction, he’s chipping away at you. He makes you doubt your qualities, the very ones he so admired, your abilities, even your reality.
He’s working hard at destroying your confidence, your strength, you yourself.
You realise you’re no longer the same person you used to be not so very long ago. You don’t understand what’s going on. You question yourself all the time. You’ve lost your joy, your love of live, maybe even your will to live. And that was the plan all along.
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