How to Recognise Manipulation

We here it everyone these days: manipulator! It’s as if these people who have such ease with manipulating others have newly come into existence.

That’s not the case.  Manipulation is nothing new and neither are those who use it.  It has always existed although it does seem to be more and more prevalent in today’s society. 

How can you avoid falling into the manipulator’s traps?  To start with, you would need to know what psychological manipulation is and how to recognise it.

Psychological manipulation is a way of making a person do something he or she does not want to do or would not usually do, without his or her realising that he or she is being made to do it.  Manipulation can be voluntary or involuntary on the behalf of the person who is using it.

It is important to note that we are all capable of manipulation and we all do it from time to time.  What differentiates between “normal” manipulation and the unhealthy manipulation used by malignant narcissists and psychopaths is the intention behind the manipulation as well as the frequency of it. 

Malignant narcissists and psychopaths use manipulation in a habitual way.  It is part of their everyday repertoire in their interactions with others.  They use it in a conscious way and with the objective of harming the intended victim.  This is the perverted side of their manipulation:  the fact that they take pleasure in harming other.  And harm they do!

When faced with such high stakes, it’s best to be prepared if ever you find yourself in an encounter with an emotional manipulator.

What then are the signs of emotional and psychological manipulation?  The list is long, but just to cite a few, the emotional manipulator:

• is egocentric
• he denies his responsibilty or accuses you of being at fault, it's never his fault
• interrupts your speaking and/or doesn’t allow you to express yourself
• turns his back to you and/or leaves when you criticise him
• changes the topic of conversation very suddenly or in the middle of the conversation
• denies or deforms reality (gaslighting)
• accuses you of having misunderstood (also gaslighting)
• lies
• flies into a rage when his is criticised or accused of things he has done
• suddenly becomes very attentive and caring, especially to impress others, to create a sense of confusion, or when he feels his victim could "escape"
• gives vague answers even to simple questions
• answers with another question in order to avoid answering or to change the subject
• avoids asking but expects others to understand his demand implicitly
• says one thing but does another
• criticises others and makes them believe in his superiority
• avoids direct communication and uses others to pass his messages on
• knows how to play the victim and does so in order to make others feel sorry for him and take care of him
• creates strike among others, divides and conquers
• lives off others
• ignores others’ needs, desires, wants,
• changes plans at the last-minute forcing others to decide without thinking
• is jealous even of his children and/or spouse
• live in a competitive world and not a world of co-creation
• creates a feeling of malaise
• creates a chaotic environment

This list is by no means definitive but it gives a good idea of many of the habitual techniques used by manipulators.  Each manipulator has his preferences and may not use all those techniques listed above.  This doesn’t mean he’s not a manipulator and a toxic personality.

If you believe you are in a relationship with a malignant narcissist, psychopath, or other toxic personality, the best solution is to distance yourself from that person as much as possible. 

I will write about the effects of emotional and psychological manipulation as well as how to get out of a toxic relationship in future articles.

If you wish to discuss this with me, please don’t hesitate to contact me or set up an appointment in Wasquehal or Paris.