How to leave a manipulator

Despite what one may think, the manipulator is in fact someone who is very dependent on others.  If he hasn’t made the decision to leave you, he will not want you to leave him.  He still needs you.  On top of it, if you were to leave him, he’s the one who is left, abandoned and that’s not very good for his image!

If he believes you are going to leave him before he has decided to leave you, be careful!  He can quickly change roles and become that amazing person you met at the beginning again.  So charming and kind.  His goal, of course, is to make you doubt your decision and convince you to stay.  Rest assured, you’re not mistaken.  This seemingly kind and gentle man still does not exist.  He never really did.  He’s simply put the mask back on, for the necessary duration, in order to convince you not to leave.

Another technique: play the victim.  Don’t forget that manipulators excel at playing the victim so that they may play on your empathy.  He may suddenly develop all different manners of weaknesses and illnesses.  Some that he’s never had before and that are difficult to diagnose.  Emotionally he can act like the lost little boy at the end of his rope.  You’ll feel guilty about leaving.  And you’ll seriously think about staying. 

The threat of abandonment, because he will feel this as abandonment, is also one of the rare occasions that could push him into therapy.  But again, it’s only a game of smoke and mirrors:  his therapy isn’t truly so that he can change (after all, in his world, he doesn’t have a problem, everyone else does).  Therapy is to look good and sometimes even to learn the lingo in order to use it against you in the future.  He’ll learn to talk the talk, but he won’t walk the walk. 

If you’re in a relationship with a manipulator and the stakes are higher than just dating, you need to prepare yourself ahead of time, and quietly, before leaving if you want to save your skin.  If you have shared assets that need to be divided, protect yourself because he’s very attached to his objects and of course it’s always all about winning and hurting you.  If you have children together, there are even more reasons to seek professional advice and be well informed before acting.  The manipulator is capable of using everything and everyone to achieve his goals.

It’s not an easy situation, but it is possible to get out of it and even to come out of it well.