Emotional Manipulation

Most of us want to trust and believe the best about others.  When they tell us something, we innately want to believe that it’s true.  And most often we do, unless given a reason to believe otherwise.

We can all be manipulated from time to time, and we are all also capable of "manipulating" to get what we want. I put the word manipulating in quotes because it's important to distinguish between manipulation et strategy.  A strategy's objective is a positive outcome for all involved, while the outcome of manipulation is to harm the other in one way or another.  In such cases, we speak of psychological manipulation and abuse. 

Psychological manipulation takes many forms, all of them aimed at disarming the victim in order to gain control and satisfy the abuser’s own objectives to the detriment of the other.  Over time, it becomes a sort of brainwashing.  The victim slowly loses his or her points of reference, as well as freedom to change or escape from the situation. 

In such cases, outside help is needed in order for the victim to take notice of the toxicity of the relationship and begin rebuilding the self-esteem that is lost in such circumstances.  When confronted with a breakup or divorce from a manipulator, understanding their behaviours helps the victim to be better armed in order to confront the situation. 

To learn more about emotional and psychological manipulation, as well as abusive relationships, please don't hesitate to contact me.  You can also find more information through my blog.

A quick word today with the hope of correcting a widespread misconception about manipulators and especially malignant narcissists. I often hear, through clients and other professionals, that these people are highly intelligent. This is not true. Of course, some are. As in the general population. All are not. To start, this is statistically impossible. In my experience, the majority of manipulators fall into the normal range of intelligence. The difference is perhaps in the fact that they devote a large portion of their energy to manipulation in order to be one step ahead of their victims. 

If I'm writing today, it's because I believe it's important to put an end to this belief as it can have negative effects on the victims who are already weakened in their self-esteem after continued abuse. When our confidence levels are weakened, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing that getting out of an abusive relationship is impossible because the abuser is too intelligent. To you, the victims, I say: remember that you were chosen by your abuser because of your brilliance, including your intellectual and emotional intelligence. Find your confidence and use it. 

Getting out of an emotional bondage situation is possible. The manipulator is not all powerful and infallible. You are not powerless.