Rejection : the final stage

The last phase in a relationship with a manipulator is rejection.  We’ve already seen how once the manipulator has spent the necessary time seducing in order to acquire you, he will then go into devaluation phase, his goal being to destroy you morally, psychologically, and even physically. 

Once these phases are completed, rejection is next on the list.

He will reject you quite simply because, in one way or another, you no long give him what he needs.  Maybe you’ve lost your joy of life (which is pretty much inevitable given all the insults and abuse he has been throwing onto you).  Or perhaps you’ve started to figure him out and are no longer a willing participant in his games.  Or it could simply be that he’s lost interest in the relationship and has decided to move on in order to satisfy his impulsiveness. 

The rejection can be brutal:  he suddenly stops calling, no longer responds to your messages, cuts off your relationship from one day to the next, seemingly without remorse.  You struggle to understand how he can do this so quickly.  Even when a relationship is on the rocks, there is usually a grieving period when it ends.  Not for the manipulator.  Since he was never genuinely attached to you (remember, he doesn’t know how), because you were only ever an object he used to satisfy his needs, he knows how to move on and never look back.  And he will move on.  He’ll find his new target and will start the cycle all over again.

If, on top of it, the manipulator knows that rejecting you causes you pain, if he knows that you’re still pining over him, looking for news from him directly or indirectly, his narcissistic supply is satisfied in knowing that you are still thinking of him and therefore he still “exists” for you.  The more he abandons you, the more he exists for you.

But the rejection isn’t always so abrupt or definitive.

It can also be more discreet and/ or temporary.  Depending on the situation, he can physically remain in the relationship but disengage in a extreme way, preferring to put his energies elsewhere in order to find a new narcissistic source.  Disengaging emotionally while staying physically gives him a certain comfort and also allows him to make you suffer that much more.

The manipulator can also leave and then come back.  Sometimes months or even years after.  Whenever he needs a narcissistic boost to support his fragile ego, he can reappear in your life.  But rest assured, he will leave again.

The relationship with a manipulator is never easy going, never without drama.  He will never be able to give you what you want or need.  He isn’t capable and doesn’t want to.  The best thing you can do for yourself is count your blessing that he’s liberated you and take the time to heal yourself from the trauma you’ve just lived through.